Moving Forward Through Grief

Temporary grave marker

I stare at the email on my computer monitor, my finger resting on the mouse.

Do I click send?

Will approving the headstone for Lindsay’s grave mean she’s truly gone? Is that why it took eight proofs to get it just right? Perfect…and yet oh, so final.

All I know is fresh, hot tears flow down my cheeks once again, as I grieve for Lindsay, for what was lost, for what might have been—her dreams and yes, my dreams for her.

There’s something really wrong about having to bury your child. Sounds cliché, but there’s really no other way to express it.

Trying to make sense of an unexpected and tragic death from a human perspective doesn’t work. As my husband and my mom said, Lindsay’s death is senseless. At least to us.

So we choose to trust the One who it does make sense to. God has the master plan, and our faith tells us that He works all to our good (Romans 8:28), even something meant for evil. God has been faithful to us in so many ways throughout our life. He wouldn’t stop now.

Even when life doesn’t work out the way we want…Even when living without our loved one hurts to the marrow of our bones…Even when we don’t understand the hurtful path we now find ourselves on.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

And maybe therein lies at least part of the answer. We’re never given trials for us alone. There is a greater purpose. Something outside ourselves. Perhaps for others to gain some comfort from us as they grieve their own loss.

I click send, and the proof is forwarded to the marker company. Sometime before Christmas, the headstone will arrive, and James, Josh, and I will make the trek to the cemetery to see it laid at the head of Lindsay’s grave. No doubt, more tears will flow that day.

Meanwhile, we move forward—in time, in life, in circumstance. Though we’ve always known life is precious and often short, Lindsay’s death altered our lives irreparably. So we look above for comfort and cling to the knowledge that one day we’ll see Lindsay and other loved ones again who’ve passed. And we cherish our memories of the beautiful person she was. 

There’s still much to accomplish in this life, or God would’ve already taken me, yet I long for the day when my Savior returns, and there’ll be no more suffering and no more tears (Revelation 21:4). 

Come, Lord Jesus, come…

What’s your go-to verse for comfort in times of grief? Have you ever had a chance to help someone from a trial you’ve been through?

If you’d like me to pray for you and your family, please leave a comment or email me confidential requests.

Looking above,

Laura

©Laura Hodges Poole

Persevere—You’ll like what comes next

Persevering in the midst of a trial is difficult. Giving up is appealing, but realistically, is surrender an option? If not…

How do we persevere?

First, we admit our humanity and our inability to go it alone.

In the Bible, we see Moses, Job, King David, John the Baptist, Jesus, and the Apostle Paul, to name a few, caught between the proverbial rock and hard place—with the hard place usually being death.

Job said, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:9-10). We then see his humanity in the next chapter when he sits down and laments his own birth (Job 3). 

Jesus said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” He prayed twice for God to take the cup of crucifixion from him but ultimately yielded “may your will be done” (Matthew 26:38-42).  

The Apostle Paul “pleaded” three times for his thorn to be removed (2 Corinthians 12:7-9). 

We see each of these men in a state of human despair, yet they didn’t rely on humanity to save them, because, frankly, it wasn’t equal to the task. So what was their secret to persevering?

If you read further into the book of Job, the Gospels, and the letters written by the Apostle Paul, you’ll see that when these men cried out, it was to God.

As Christians, we know our perseverance comes from God. He said His grace is sufficient for all things. He’s not going to allow a trial into our lives that He's unwilling to equip us for. We must "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17) and delve into the Word and see God's promises and instructions laid out for us through His apostles.

But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.” These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit. But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Jude 1:17-21 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3 

That sounds like a pretty good formula for persevering. If we keep our eyes firmly fixed on Jesus, we won’t grow spiritually faint and lose heart. We’ll also be able to throw off that which tries to hinder us—namely Satan.

But what’s the purpose of a trial? Why doesn’t God just fix things? In other words…

Why do we persevere?

…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4 

…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:3-4 

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 2 Peter 1:5-7 

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:15-16 

In addition to the spiritual growth we experience, our ultimate reward will be in heaven.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. Hebrews 10:35-36 

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12 

Are you walking through a trial and having trouble persevering? Be encouraged by God’s Word that He keeps His promises, He walks with you through difficult times, and your faith will grow. In turn, you'll often find yourself in a position to encourage someone on the path behind you going through a similar trial.

Best of all, you’ll stand before God one day and hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21),  

Do you have a Bible verse that has encouraged you during difficult times?

If you need prayer, please leave a comment or email me confidential requests. I’d love to pray for you.

God bless,

Laura

© Laura Hodges Poole

“Woman Climbing Rock” image courtesy of olovedog at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

“Young Woman Praying” image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

“Faith and Believe” image courtesy of the pathtraveler @FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

When Life Is Beyond Understanding

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’” Job 37:5-6 NIV

Job suffered greatly through horrific earthly trials. He questioned God. He endured bogus advice and proclamations from his “friends.” Yet, he didn’t turn away from God, as his wife advised (Job 2:9). Though Job couldn’t imagine the reasons for his trials, he kept crying out to God because he believed he’d get an answer.

Why do we ever doubt that God will answer our prayers? What we’re really saying is we don’t feel He’s capable of coming through. Or perhaps He has a pair of cosmic dice He rolls, and some prayers get answered and some don’t. Since the pattern of answered prayer doesn’t make sense to us, there must be some weird system for saying who lives, who dies, who gets promoted or gets the new house or job promotion over someone else.

Job’s friends, even in their best effort to encourage him, gave him erroneous advice and reasons as to why he was suffering. After all, when someone goes through the level of calamity Job did, they must have done something to deserve it, right?

Or worse yet, God struck them down for their sins.

So, let’s take a look at some of the reasons we might go through dark periods in our life.

God allows trials to grow us.

Take the situation of Jacob. He stole his brother Esau’s birthright and their father’s final blessing. He set out to Harran to go to his Uncle Laban’s family to find a wife. What Jacob didn’t know is his ability to outscheme people would pale in comparison to his future father-in-law’s. Years later, after fleeing with his two wives, Rachel and Leah, Jacob had an encounter with the Lord (Genesis 32:22-32). Ironically, God had allowed several trials in Jacob’s life, including working fourteen years for the woman he loved. All of this prepared Jacob for his ultimate role in the nation of Israel, yet Jacob still didn’t completely yield to God.

God will chase us—and even allow pain to bring us closer to Him.

Ultimately, God had to inflict pain on Jacob to get him to stop running and trying to fulfill his own agenda, which often was devious. In verse 26, Jacob had not only stopped running, he did a complete about face after his encounter with God. He clung to God.

“But Jacob replied, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.’” Genesis 32:26b

God wants a relationship with His people. That’s ultimately why He created us.

Yet we have free wills. We can choose to reject or accept God. We can choose paths that lead to destruction or create hedges around us that can’t be toppled easily.  We often don’t seek God’s will in our lives when things are going well. Humans tend to only cry out to a “higher power” when they’re in dire straits.

As Christians, we were bought with a price. We are no longer free to do the things we did before, without consequence.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 

The Apostle Paul learned that his perpetual trial of a “thorn in the flesh” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9) kept him close to God. Paul spoke of “praying continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

God’s ultimate judgment will come in eternity.

This isn’t a reason for a trial, but a rebuttal of those who believe trials are a judgment. Certainly, we can experience self-inflicted trials from lifestyle choices, but God doesn’t have to go around smiting people to meter out punishment.  Nor do we have to try to decipher if He is doing so.  

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the “Why?” question when we suffer trials. God can handle questions, and He answers us. Sometimes the answer points to eternity and is one we wouldn’t be able to apply to our lives now.

But looking at other people’s afflictions and thinking, “Look at how they live,” or “They brought that on themselves,” is just plain wrong.

What we’re really saying when we try to give people a reason for their trials, or worse yet, whisper behind their back or grumble in our souls, is that we’re willing to play God. 

And when we try to fill in for God, we’re taking on an impossible role. He knows what’s best for us. Why wrestle Him and settle for second best by insisting on our way? Every journey goes over rough roads, mountaintops, and through valleys. And through it all, He walks with us, never leaving or forsaking us.

God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5b

Remember that “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18) and “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26). In your darkest moments, cling to the assurance that we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus (Romans 8:37).  

What trial have you walked through where you clearly saw God’s hand in the midst of it, even when others offered bad advice like Job’s friends did? Was there a particular Bible passage that helped you during this time?

Everyone who leaves a comment will be entered in a drawing for a FREE copy of my Christmas novella just released. "A Christmas Chance" is available on Amazon for purchase.

If you’d like prayer, please leave a comment or email me confidential requests. I’d love to pray for you. J

Shalom,

Laura

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©Laura Hodges Poole

“Lightning over the Sea” image courtesy of Evgeni Dinev/FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

“Question Mark & Cursors” image courtesy of hywards/FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

“Bald eagle at sunrise” image courtesy of Ron Bird/FreeDigitalPhotos.net.