Moving Forward Through Grief

Temporary grave marker

I stare at the email on my computer monitor, my finger resting on the mouse.

Do I click send?

Will approving the headstone for Lindsay’s grave mean she’s truly gone? Is that why it took eight proofs to get it just right? Perfect…and yet oh, so final.

All I know is fresh, hot tears flow down my cheeks once again, as I grieve for Lindsay, for what was lost, for what might have been—her dreams and yes, my dreams for her.

There’s something really wrong about having to bury your child. Sounds cliché, but there’s really no other way to express it.

Trying to make sense of an unexpected and tragic death from a human perspective doesn’t work. As my husband and my mom said, Lindsay’s death is senseless. At least to us.

So we choose to trust the One who it does make sense to. God has the master plan, and our faith tells us that He works all to our good (Romans 8:28), even something meant for evil. God has been faithful to us in so many ways throughout our life. He wouldn’t stop now.

Even when life doesn’t work out the way we want…Even when living without our loved one hurts to the marrow of our bones…Even when we don’t understand the hurtful path we now find ourselves on.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

And maybe therein lies at least part of the answer. We’re never given trials for us alone. There is a greater purpose. Something outside ourselves. Perhaps for others to gain some comfort from us as they grieve their own loss.

I click send, and the proof is forwarded to the marker company. Sometime before Christmas, the headstone will arrive, and James, Josh, and I will make the trek to the cemetery to see it laid at the head of Lindsay’s grave. No doubt, more tears will flow that day.

Meanwhile, we move forward—in time, in life, in circumstance. Though we’ve always known life is precious and often short, Lindsay’s death altered our lives irreparably. So we look above for comfort and cling to the knowledge that one day we’ll see Lindsay and other loved ones again who’ve passed. And we cherish our memories of the beautiful person she was. 

There’s still much to accomplish in this life, or God would’ve already taken me, yet I long for the day when my Savior returns, and there’ll be no more suffering and no more tears (Revelation 21:4). 

Come, Lord Jesus, come…

What’s your go-to verse for comfort in times of grief? Have you ever had a chance to help someone from a trial you’ve been through?

If you’d like me to pray for you and your family, please leave a comment or email me confidential requests.

Looking above,

Laura

©Laura Hodges Poole

Her Journal Will Never Be Read

After experiencing several deaths in my life and watching friends lose loved ones, I noticed a common theme among mourners—the regret that there wasn’t more time to say or do one last thing with the deceased. As I grew older, I became more purposeful in my living, stopping to hug my kids good-bye or telling them I loved them, even when they were in a hurry or thought I was being melodramatic.

In fact, that was the case the last time I saw my daughter Lindsay alive—the morning I left for Nashville. She rushed through the house to leave so she wouldn’t be late for work. I yelled after her, “No, you don’t. Come here.” She laughed as I gave her a hug, told her I loved her, and to be safe. She would be off to Kentucky before I returned from Nashville. She gave me the assurance I wanted and sprinted away, the kitchen door slamming behind her moments later.

About six years ago I decided to start two journals—one for Lindsay and one for my son Josh. My intention was to write in them periodically, recording personal thoughts, Bible verses, poetry, quotes, basically whatever struck my fancy that was meaningful to me and hopefully, would be to them. One day I’d be gone, and they’d want one last thing from me—a tangible reminder of my love, and I knew I could do that through my words.

Sadly, I didn’t write in the journals as much as I’d planned. Often, months would go by before I’d “find the time” to sit down and write. While in Florida last month to help my mom through cancer treatments, I made the time to reflect back over Josh and Lindsay’s childhoods and write in both journals.

Now Lindsay’s journal sits here, untouched, except by me, and she’ll never read the words I wrote to her. Her death changed the whole scheme of things. Our pastor used the phrase “death out of time” at her funeral. I wholeheartedly agree. There’s something really wrong about it.

The cliché that parents aren’t supposed to bury their children rings true. It’s certainly not something I ever imagined myself doing. Now I’m acutely aware of the club I belong to as I look at my friends and count the number who’ve also lost children. It is unnatural, but at the same time, God has a purpose for our suffering, even when we don’t know what it is or we rail against it.

Oh, how I long to know what that purpose is.

Meanwhile, as I trudge through this valley, becoming more worn and tattered by this earthly life, I can only put my hope and trust in God that one day all things will be made new and there will be no more suffering, no more tears (Revelation 21:4-5). I look forward to the reunion in heaven with my loved ones!

I echo the words of the Apostle John when he said in Revelation 22:20, “Come, Lord Jesus.”

Please come.

How many I pray for you today? Leave a comment or email me confidential requests. I’d love to join you in prayer. And while you’re at it, if you have a verse of encouragement, I could use it right about now.

Looking above,

Laura

 ©Laura Hodges Poole