Finding God’s Love In The Yet

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. Lamentations 3:31-33 NIV  

I’m a member of two completely different Facebook groups—one for decluttering and the other for recycling/repurposing. Am I conflicted? Maybe just a little. LOL. I’d like to think I’m using two different skillsets, kind of like the mudskipper fish who, of course, swims but also walks on land. 

But what about the serious, often gut-wrenching, conflicts of life?

 

We find ourselves wondering what God has in mind when those happen. How can we experience such overwhelming grief, like I’ve felt since losing my daughter, and at the same time embrace the idea that God’s love is unfailing? After all, if he loves us, why the grief or affliction to begin with?

 

The broad answer goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. They had the perfect life and still weren’t satisfied. God did not want them to sin and fall out of fellowship with him. And when they did, he didn’t cast them off. But he did allow them and the generations since to feel the brokenness of fallen humanity.

 

Our individual whys are often so complex that we may not get an answer this side of heaven, nor would we understand if God tried to explain. And it's likely we wouldn't agree. 

 

So where is our hope?

 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him… Lamentations 3:21-25

 

Jeremiah spent the majority of Lamentations describing what had gone wrong for Jerusalem and him personally. His overwhelming grief and despair cry from the pages. You can feel the agony in his words almost as vividly as your own painful circumstances.

 

Then Jeremiah turned to his “yet” moment. It’s almost as if he couldn’t continue one minute longer in his despair without reminding himself of God’s faithfulness.

 

When you are tempted to give in to the notion that God is not for you and he doesn’t really care, or the pain seems too great to bear one minute longer, dig into your heart and your past to the times God showed up—your “yet” moments.

God wants to hear our laments but also experience his unfailing love, even in the midst of difficulties. Seek his wisdom through prayer and studying the Scriptures to remind yourself of his faithfulness. Whatever your trial, know that God is right there with you, holding you up, and will never leave your side.

Blessings,

Laura

© Laura Hodges Poole

Photos courtesy of Pixabay.

Grief and Merriment Do Not Coexist Peacefully

Christmas can be a difficult time for a variety of reasons—grief often a major one. Missing my daughter is at the top of my list. Most of you, whether young or old, probably miss someone in your family or circle of friends.  

After my daughter died a few years ago, Christmas was unbearable. It was all I could do to drag through the month of December, often finding myself on my knees, literally and figuratively, begging God to just “get me through it.” I thought if I heard Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas one more time I would scream. 

Grief and merriment do not coexist peacefully. The only peace I could get—the only way I could “get through” was to remember God’s faithfulness before my loss, lean on it, and apply those experiences to my grief. His presence and comfort had sustained me years before after my sister’s death—and through many valleys in my life. When sleep didn’t come, I’d turn my thoughts to memorized Scripture and prayer to soothe my tortured mind and soul. 

Similarly, the Bible is full of stories of God’s faithfulness when life seemed hopeless. 

God’s Faithfulness

When Jehoshaphat, an ancient king of Judah, faced war, he prayed for God’s help. He started his prayer praising God’s greatness and then listed past blessings on the Jewish people.

“Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you. Our God, did you not drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? They have lived in it and have built in it a sanctuary for your Name, saying, ‘If calamity comes upon us, whether the sword of judgment, or plague or famine, we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress, and you will hear us and save us.’  2 Chronicles 20:6-9 NIV 

If calamity comes upon us…

Grief is the ultimate calamity. Jehoshaphat’s prayer is spot on. How many times did I cry out in distress and God heard me? I felt his physical presence as if He were cradling me in His arms and brushing my tears away. This comfort gave me strength to get through another day.

Now as I face another Christmas without my daughter, God has filled me with His peace and provided encouragement through His Word and through friends and family. No matter how bad life gets, God hears and saves. The Apostle Paul testified to this in the following passage:

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

We have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us…

God’s Promises

“…This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s…You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’” 2 Chronicles 20:15-17

Whether Jehoshaphat, Jeremiah, or the Apostle Paul, all great men of the Bible experienced grief and adversity in varying degrees. They knew that the ability to stand in that adversity rested in God’s peace and assurance of His help. This was vital in “getting through” their present trials. They took courage in the promises the Lord made, which strengthened them to face tomorrow.

 

The Lord will be with you. 

God’s Instructions

This is what the Lord says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls…” Jeremiah 6:16 

Are you at a crossroads? Maybe you’re engaged in a full-on battle. Or trying to “get through” the holidays in your grief. 

·     Seek the ancient paths – Study Scripture, seek out a wise elder in your church or family, or perhaps someone who has been in a similar situation. Memorize Scripture for those agonizing sleepless nights.

·     Ask where the good way is – Pray! The Apostle Paul said pray without ceasing. He learned God’s constant presence was a must to face his adversities. When you combine prayer with Bible study, you will experience the peace that God can give.

…and you will find rest for your souls.

Remember the Lord’s faithfulness to you in the past. Cling to God’s promises, as you pray for strength in your discouragement. You can be as sure of His presence and comfort as the old Bible greats were. 

…my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:20-23

How may I pray for you today? Feel free to leave a request in the comments below. Also, please share any Bible verses that have comforted you during adversity or grief. I’d love to hear from you.

 

Blessings,

Laura

Enjoy these three free gifts. 

FREE Kindle download Friday, December 16, and Saturday, December 17, 2022.

 

While I’m Waiting is adapted from some of the author’s blog devotions, appearing for the first time as a collection. This 31-day devotional will inspire the reader to wait on God patiently and reverently to answer prayers according to His perfect timing. The author shares her own struggles and shortcomings in a relatable way that encourages and brings hope even in the most difficult circumstances. The devotions show that it is possible to walk through the valley and not despair while praising God and choosing contentment during trials. As missionary Jim Elliot once said, “God always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.”

From the time she was a child, Carly Shepherd has gazed at the silent stars in the night sky of her home town of Bethlehem, North Carolina. With her childhood overshadowed by her father’s abandonment and mother’s alcoholism, she wonders how anyone can believe in an equally silent God. After all, she’s not felt his presence any more than her earthly father. Drew Middleton is seeking shelter from a rain storm when he walks into Carly’s vendor tent at a fall festival, but he’s quickly taken with the talented artist and her creations. Feeling an instant connection, Carly is confused by her feelings, especially when she realizes his spiritual commitment. Carly’s past and their chance of future together collide when she’s snared into refurbishing sets for a Christmas pageant with Drew’s help. Will Drew’s love and their shared experience bring about a spiritual awakening in Carly this Christmas? Or will time run out as the stars continue to shine silently over Bethlehem?

Distraught that she and her husband are facing another childless Christmas, bakery owner Maddie Oliver tries to rescue every needy child who crosses her path. As the couple jumps each hurdle to adopt or become foster parents, they’re always disappointed. Then eight-year-old Chance Simmons comes into Oliver’s Bakery with his elderly grandmother, and Maddie is immediately smitten. Chance’s impish personality draws her in. Determined to stop focusing on her own problems, Maddie sets out to make this the best Christmas ever for the little boy and his ailing grandmother. What she doesn’t count on is him capturing her heart in the process. Will God orchestrate an even bigger Christmas gift than Maddie could imagine, or will she lose Chance for good when the Simmons family suffers a setback?

Blog images courtesy of Pixabay.

I'm Not Really Angry At God

In the agonizing days after Lindsay’s death last August, our feelings were raw and battered. Somehow James, Josh, and I functioned well enough to plan her funeral and deal with issues surrounding her death while welcoming friends and loved ones into our home bearing food, hugs, and tears. Maybe that’s what’s referred to as “being in shock” after a traumatic event.

There were questions and comments—and a theme began to emerge: Why did God allow Lindsay to die? The anger expressed was a normal, necessary grief reaction—one I’ve felt many times.

Regardless of how devastated I was, I discovered it is possible to have a crushed heart and still be able to state what I firmly believe: Everyone suffers this side of heaven. Parents sometimes have to bury their children. While the incredible pain of losing our daughter is unique to us, death is not unique in this fallen world. As awful as Lindsay's death was, God is faithful and would carry us.

Even so, I questioned God, cried out to Him, disagreed with His decision to take Lindsay, and begged Him to undo this nightmare. Resentful and hurt? I’d be lying if I claimed I wasn’t.

And even now, I get angry about the whole situation.

But angry at God? Not really.

I’ve thought about how I was able to separate the awfulness of what happened from the goodness and sovereignty of God in the middle of a crisis. The short answer is I was on auto pilot, rotely moving through time and space, and clinging to the faith that had carried me through every valley I'd ever walked through. The underlying truth: It was the power of the Holy Spirit.

In a crisis, the totality of a Christian’s life carries them. Your basic instincts while in shock override everything else. If your mind, heart, and soul are filled with God’s Word, and you’ve experienced His presence in your life, intuitively you reach for Him in a storm. His truth comes out of your mouth. Even when the waves crash around you, you know He’s holding you up.

The other part of this assurance comes through prayer.

 “… pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people” (Ephesians 6:18), and “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

In other words, stay in God’s presence.

In 1 Peter 5:8, we again see the instruction to be alert. Why? Because our enemy, the devil, seeks ways to destroy us. He is proficient in crippling us emotionally and spiritually through our children and loved ones. Being alert means being aware, but it also means being prepared for the battle.

In addition to being equipped for earthly trials through Bible study and prayer, I’m also able to rest in God’s promises. Believe me, physical and emotional rest did not come easy, still doesn’t some days, but that’s when spiritual rest provides respite.

Christ said, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28)

and…

 “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29-30).

Isn’t it a comfort to know we’re not walking this road alone? Christ is yoked beside us, sharing our burdens, and carrying us through the valleys and over rough, rocky roads.

Every night, I step outside with Lindsay’s dog Sugar before we go to bed. Stars blanket the night sky, and the vastness of the universe envelops me. Lindsay loved star gazing, and in those quiet moments I feel close to her—almost like I could reach out and touch her.

That vast blanket of stars also paints a vivid picture that God’s thinking is higher than mine. I cling to the verse in Genesis 50:20 that what man meant for evil, God will use for good. Because make no mistake about it, Lindsay’s death was the enemy’s evil doing, not God’s. And the day of reckoning will come.

I also must daily choose to “take hold of the hope set before us” so I “may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf” (Hebrews 6:18-20). 

You may not ever face the loss of a child, but you will suffer loss, disappointment, pain, and heartache. You have the choice to face it alone or face it with God.

Pontius Pilate asked a very insightful question on the night Jesus was crucified, “What shall I do then with Jesus, who is called the Messiah?” We all have to answer that at some point.

As for me, I know I’ve faced the worst year of my life, and yet somehow I’ve survived. That “somehow” was Jesus walking with me, at times carrying me, and at other times allowing me to rest while he took my broken heart in his tender hands and held it close. He’s never left my side.

Christ has been my anchor. I can say unequivocally that God’s grace was the only way we got through this year—and it’s His grace that will carry us into the future.

Perhaps you are facing a crisis—something that has altered your world. I’d love to pray for you. Please leave a comment or email me confidential requests. Thank you for lifting my family and me up in prayer through this difficult time. 

Resting in His Grace,

Laura

©Laura Hodges Poole

Photo credits:

Cemetery ©Laura Poole
Other three photos courtesy of Pixabay.com

The Hollow Spots of Grief

“Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything.” ~ C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Normally, I would be wrapping a gift and baking a chocolate cake for Lindsay’s birthday today…anticipating the glee she showed with any celebration…maybe surprising her with balloons like I did last year…

…signing a sparkling, colorful birthday card,  

We love you, Lindsay! Hope you have a wonderful day! 

But there’s nothing normal about life now…just hollow spots where normal once resided. 

It’s been almost nine months since my daughter died—the same length of time I carried her in my body before giving birth to her thirty-four years ago. Funny, it seemed like a long time then—an eternity now. 

I watched a movie a few years ago called “Holes.” The premise involved youths in a juvenile detention camp digging holes for the warden in search of a buried treasure. Holes of all sizes dotted the desert landscape for miles around the camp. Year after year, more holes were dug, the treasure seemingly just one hole away, yet ever elusive. 

My life feels like that desert—stretching out around me endlessly—filled with holes. Just about the time I think I’ve got a handle on my grief and perhaps back on level land, another hole appears. Not all bad ones—sometimes beautiful, but bittersweet memories I cherish. Then other days, like Mother’s Day and her birthday, have the potential to drag me under.  

I cry out to the only One who truly understands—the One who watched his own son die on a cross over two thousand years ago. You might be tempted to rebut, “Yeah, but God knew he was going to raise Christ from the dead.”  

True.  

But, as Christians, we also have the promise of our loved one’s resurrection in heaven—and the day of our own homecoming when we join them.  

Lindsay was a beautiful, precocious child who dreamed big and had the tenacity to go out and try to make those dreams come true. Life looked bright from where we sat, the landscape dotted only with hope.  

We never saw the holes…until it was too late. 

Now her death is spread over everything, and likely to some degree, it always will be. I seek to find joy in my memories of her contagious laughter about something silly, her sparkling eyes when she dreamed, and the indelible imprint my daughter made on my life in so many ways. I cling to the hope I have in eternity. I praise God that ours is a temporary life, one to be cherished and lived, but one we’ll shrug off some day, like a butterfly does a cocoon before it takes flight. 

Lindsay’s soul flew away last August.  

Until we meet again… 

Love,
Mom

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:3-4 

Death, Grief, and Moving On

Seven months have passed since my daughter Lindsay died. Hard to believe it’s been that long, though even harder to grasp the time’s fleeting compared to the years that lie ahead without her.

In those first weeks after her death, waking up each morning and just breathing hurt. On the nights I slept, Lindsay was still alive. I’d have conversations with her, but she always seemed just beyond my grasp. The more I reached for her, the more elusive she became, until finally I awoke. Then reality crashed down on me, and grief flooded in. She was gone.

My whole life, I’ve heard the verse, “Where, O death, is your sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55). The meaning is, for Christians, death isn’t an end but a beginning. But it’s only a beginning for the deceased.

The sting is for those left behind. An unrelenting sting that pierces the depths of your soul. Losing a child means part of you has ended—like closing a door never to be re-opened. It’s not so much the legacy most of us reflect on as we reach middle or old age that’s lost. Lindsay’s hopes and dreams that blossomed as she grew from a little girl into a woman—along with our hopes and dreams for her—will never bear the fruit they were meant to.

I appreciate the encouragement of people who’ve continued to reach out to us and include us in their prayers. Isolation in grief is not healthy and leads to depression, but I’ve found most of the time I do best by myself. I don’t have to pretend or engage in conversation. I don’t have to answer the question, “How are you?” I understand people are genuinely concerned, and I love them for it, but it’s a question with an ever-changing answer.

So I usually respond, “I’m okay,” which really means I’m up, functioning, and doing the best I can, which sometimes is fairly good, depending on the day.

But I’m not okay and never will be…and that’s okay.

See, I don’t have to be okay for life to go on. I wake up each day grateful that I’m one step closer to eternity—one step closer to seeing Lindsay again—one step closer to my Savior and living the life I’m supposed to be living. Not the temporary one in this fallen, beat-up world.

Or as the Apostle Paul said, “…to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:21).”

This is another verse that became more vivid for me in the wake of Lindsay’s passing. For the first time, I can feel Paul’s angst of being torn between this life on earth—where much is still to be accomplished for God’s glory—and going on to heaven where life is no longer a struggle.

But until He calls me home, I’ll continue to get up each day and seek God’s will for my life, and continue the process of grieving with my family.

Just as we got through the “first” holidays in November and December without Lindsay, other “first” milestones will be marked in the coming months—her birthday and Mother’s Day in May, Father’s Day in June, and then the anniversary of her death in August. To say I dread them is an understatement, but at the same time, her beautiful life should be celebrated. Her birth made me a mother. Likely, I’ll go out to the cemetery on her birthday, sit on the stone bench atop the hill overlooking her grave, reminisce…and cry.

And that’s okay. Tears are God’s provision for managing grief. Tears dredge up your deepest pain and bring it to the surface like dross. You scrape away the pain in those moments and then gather your strength to go on and live another day.

Meanwhile, Lindsay’s backpack sits in her room. Waiting to be unpacked. One day. Occasionally, I go through the clothes in her closet, my fingertips seeking her favorite shirts, or drawing a scarf close to my cheek, closing my eyes and drinking in her scent that lingers…for how much longer? For now, I don’t worry about it…her physical imprint is still here.

Someday, maybe I’ll be able to say my heartbreak has lessened. Today is different than seven months ago, or even two months ago, and it will be different two years from now…but broken hearts never truly mend. Especially when one of the broken pieces is buried.

Life has moved on…and yet it will always be the day we lost her. In a weird sort of way, time stood still. The calendar will always seem to read August 27, because that is the day her laughter stopped and we were left with only memories. 

In our grief, God has shown us compassion, showered us with His mercies, and given us hope to sustain. We continue to walk the path laid before us, and we thank you for your prayers and encouraging thoughts along the way. God has truly blessed us through both.

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him. Lamentations 3:19-25 

If you’re going through grief or experiencing difficult times, I’d love to pray for you. Please leave a comment or email me confidential requests.

Because of His faithfulness,

Laura

Ready To Ring In A New Year

I'm not gonna lie. 2016 was the worst year of my life. But it was also the year of grace that I spent with my daughter before she died, so I'll cherish that forever. Even so, I'm ready to rip 2016 from the calendar and get on with 2017.

My prayer for you, dear reader, is that 2017 will be filled with blessings…and when trials come, as they always do, you’ll seek the solace of Christ’s peace (John 14:27) that carries us even in the hardest of times. God bless you all.

In Memoriam, [Ring out, wild bells]

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,

   The flying cloud, the frosty light:

   The year is dying in the night;

Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,

   Ring, happy bells, across the snow:

   The year is going, let him go;

Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind

   For those that here we see no more;

   Ring out the feud of rich and poor,

Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,

   And ancient forms of party strife;

   Ring in the nobler modes of life,

With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,

   The faithless coldness of the times;

   Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes

But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,

   The civic slander and the spite;

   Ring in the love of truth and right,

Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;

   Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;

   Ring out the thousand wars of old,

Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,

   The larger heart, the kindlier hand;

   Ring out the darkness of the land,

Ring in the Christ that is to be. 

         ~Lord Alfred Tennyson, 1809–1892~

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV 

Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea and a path through the mighty waters, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NKJV 

Do you have a favorite Bible verse or poem that inspires you? I’d love to hear it! Share it in the comments for everyone to enjoy.

If you have a prayer need, please leave a comment or email me confidential requests.

Happy New Year!

God bless,

Laura

Silent Stars of Bethlehem

FREE Kindle download December 31, 2016 through January 1, 2017.

From the time she was a child, Carly Shepherd has gazed at the silent stars in the night sky of her home town of Bethlehem, North Carolina. With her childhood overshadowed by her father’s abandonment and mother’s alcoholism, she wonders how anyone can believe in an equally silent God. After all, she’s not felt his presence any more than her earthly father. Though she remembers Christmas pageants and attending church as a child, she no longer has any use for what she considers fairy tales.

Drew Middleton is seeking shelter from a rain storm when he walks into Carly’s vendor tent at a fall festival, but he’s quickly taken with the talented artist and her creations. Feeling an instant connection, Carly is confused by her feelings, especially when she realizes his spiritual commitment.

Dealing with a wayward brother and career opportunities that may require relocation, Drew knows now is not the best time to begin a relationship, especially with someone who doesn’t share his faith.

Carly’s past and their chance of future together collide when she’s snared into refurbishing sets for a Christmas pageant with Drew’s help. Will Drew’s love and their shared experience bring about a spiritual awakening in Carly this Christmas? Or will time run out as the stars continue to shine silently over Bethlehem? 

Click here to get your FREE kindle download now. 

Fireworks Celebration and the City Night Light image courtesy of Areeya/FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

My Dr Seuss Tree

I made a pact with myself today.

I’m not going to cry. For one day. No tears.

After thinking about Christmas and what it’s always meant—the family traditions and celebrating Christ’s birth—I decided maybe I could do a Christmas tree after all.

Trouble is I didn’t want to put up a big traditional tree so late. It’s a lot of work, and my energy level is unpredictable from one moment to the next.

So in the pouring rain, I decided to go to Lowe’s and see if they had live trees. Maybe even a Charlie Brown tree. J I could picture in my mind what I wanted, and when I walked through the front door of the store, there on the left sat a display of live Norfolk Island pines almost four feet tall. Glitter had been sprinkled their branches.

Perfect!

I hefted one into my shopping cart, added a $2 strand of lights to the purchase, and headed home.

After finding something to place the tree on to give it more height, I went up into the attic and sorted through our ornaments. I carefully selected a few that held special meaning. An angel Josh bought me when he was about ten years old, little wooden ornaments my in-laws bought us when Lindsay was just a baby, some from Pigeon Forge that Lindsay had helped pick out when she was six, and a few others that would hang gently from the small branches of our Christmas tree.

I stood back and surveyed my work. My throat ached, and those dreaded tears threatened to spill. Then I thought about what Lindsay would say about my abstract, nontraditional, wacky-looking tree. My Charlie Brown tree. Although looking at it now, maybe it's one the Grinch or the Cat-in-the-Hat would've picked out. It's very Dr. Seuss-ish, wouldn't you say?

Even though she loved Cinderella as a child and still believed in fairy tales, Lindsay had grown to be a minimalist. I could hear her saying, “It’s perfect, Mom. I like it.”

Her laugh filled my mind, and I smiled.

And my pact?

Well, a few tears did fall, but they didn’t just reflect my sorrow.

I choose to celebrate the joy of my Savior’s birth and the joy of having a beautiful daughter, even if it was only for thirty-three years. I savor the memories of her child-like approach to Christmas each year and how, in the end, she chose to see joy in simple things.

Boy, do I miss her.

Laura

©Laura Hodges Poole