Deeper Point of View

“Good writing is like a windowpane.” George Orwell

In previous posts, we’ve discussed point of view as it relates to each character and scene. With deeper point of view, the reader is drawn further into a character’s actions and thoughts, essentially getting inside the character’s head as the scene unfolds.

One way to accomplish this is to eliminate tag lines. Instead of repeatedly interrupting the scene with he said/she said, the natural flow of characters’ dialogue, emotions, and action tell the story.  

Deeper POV also works in tandem with the concept “show, don’t tell.” Instead of telling the reader a character is wondering, seeing, hearing, or feeling, a good writer lets the characters act out the scene naturally as it would occur in real life.

Here are some examples. The second sentence/paragraph in each sequence is written in deeper POV.

She glanced at him and wondered where his patience came from.

She glanced at him. Where did his patience come from?

Jackie swirled the coffee in her cup and carefully considered her reply.

Jackie swirled the coffee in her cup. How should she reply?

She snuggled under the covers, wishing she’d planned the trip for another day.

She snuggled under the covers. If only she’d planned the trip for another day.

He thought about why she was always late for church.

Why was she always late for church?

Dave felt her eyes searching his face.

Her eyes searched his face. 

Kathy heard a rustling and then saw a snake slither out of the bushes. She hoped she could outrun the snake before it bit her. She noticed it was a harmless black snake and stopped to take a deep breath. Snakes gave her the creeps.

Kathy turned toward the rustling in the bushes. A harmless blacksnake slithered out. She jumped behind a tree as the snake slid down the trail ahead of her. A chill tingled through her. She shook it off and stepped back onto the trail. 

She was angry that he talked non-stop, never allowing her to voice an opinion during a discussion. He must think her opinion didn’t matter. She wondered what it would take to make him listen.

“Shut up!” She drew a deep breath and straightened to face his wide-eyed stare. Did that scream just come from her mouth? Maybe now he would listen. 

The first sentences/paragraphs in each sequence aren't necessarily incorrect, but they inhibit deeper character and scene development which leads to a less interesting story. 

Take another look at your WIP. Are there places you could rewrite to deepen character POV? If you’d like to share an example or make a suggestion for future topics for me to discuss, please leave a comment. I enjoy the encouraging and insightful thoughts shared each week. 

God bless,

Laura

Point of View - Part II

Writers' Corner

Welcome to Writers’ Corner. Thank you for the great response to last week’s point of view post. Due to that response and questions posed, I’ve decided to address point of view again before moving on to another subject.

To recap, three basic points of view exist: first person, third person, and omniscient. Select one POV and stick with it. You can access the archives for an in-depth look at each.

Within these, the writer must choose a character point of view (POV) to drive the scene. If you want to change character POV, move on to another scene. Take a look at this example from last week. I’ve inserted an error. See if you can spot it.

“Have some juice.” John extended the orange juice pitcher.

Brenda didn’t want juice. In fact, she didn’t want to be sharing a table with someone who had betrayed her. Besides, she hated orange juice. And he knew it. Probably the reason he offered it. “No, thank you.”

John thumped the pitcher on the table, sloshing the juice over the top. Heat spread through his chest like wildfire when he thought about the times he’d tried to please her without success.

“Now you’ve done it.” Brenda reached for a dishtowel. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times.”

“You’ve told me what?” John scowled over his forkful of eggs.

“Clumsy.” Brenda returned his scowl and reached for her fork. If she tried hard enough to ignore him, maybe he’d take the hint and disappear. For good.

####

We established last week that this scene is told from Brenda’s POV. However, the way I’ve rewritten it, Brenda is also a mind reader. Let’s take a look at the third paragraph.

John thumped the pitcher on the table, sloshing the juice over the top. Heat spread through his chest like wildfire when he thought about the times he’d tried to please her without success.

Brenda couldn’t have known the highlighted portion about John. I head-hopped into John’s thoughts, which detracts from the scene. Instead, I should have ended Brenda’s thoughts and wrote another scene, if I wanted to share John’s thoughts with my reader.

Here’s an example:

John gulped his oatmeal. The lumpy mixture went down like a pallet of rocks. Didn’t this woman know how to cook anything else? He glanced at her chomping through her toast and oatmeal like a bulldozer. Wouldn’t do to ask for a bowl of cereal instead.

“Got plans for today?” Her eyes bored through him like a woodpecker on a fresh branch.

“The usual.” John didn’t want to spoil his surprise. He’d asked Cindy Martin to help him pick out an anniversary present. If Brenda only knew how much he cared—maybe it would change things between them.

“The usual? Does that include another date with Cindy Martin?”

The oatmeal lodged somewhere deep in his esophagus, sending a dull, throbbing ache through his chest. A date? This woman was nuts!

####

Though very basic, hopefully, the preceding scenes have helped illustrate the differences between the characters’ POV.

Obviously, scenes are much longer than this. You won’t write a dozen little scenes within a chapter. Two or three long scenes are plenty. Make sure the main character gets the most scene time since it’s his/her story.

If you have any other questions about POV, please feel free to leave a comment. Also, I’d love to hear any suggestions for future writing topics.

Point of View

“From a dog's point of view, his master is an elongated and abnormally cunning dog.”~Mabel L. Robinson

This quote only loosely illustrates our subject today, but it struck me as funny, so I’m sharing it.

If you’re a fiction writer, you’ve heard the term POV. It’s an acronym for point of view, which is shown through a story’s characters. Three basic points of view exist within the context of a narrative.

• First person – Story is told by the main character with words like I, me, and mine.
• Third person – Story is told from the perspective of the main character driving the scene. Short stories are typically told from the main character’s POV. Novels often utilize more than one character’s POV, though never within the same scene. (More about that in a moment.)
• Omniscient – Story is told from an all-knowing perspective. The author gives information the characters don’t know because events and/or their limited interaction with each other haven’t revealed the information yet. Sometimes authors slip into omniscient POV without intending to.

Here’s an omniscient example from Self-Editing for Fiction Writers:

“In small South Carolina towns, most houses are built in the shadow of tall trees. Each autumn, the children charged with the yard care curse the leaves that seem to multiply on their way to the ground…One such tree, a tall oak, stood in the front yard of the house Coral Blake rented from a man who had long ago moved his family north.”

Here’s the switch to third person from the same book:

“Coral Blaze mopped the gritty sweat out of her eyes and gazed up at the dusty green underside of the oak. The dog days of August had settled in, it seemed, and like most folks in Greeleyville, South Carolina, she took cover from the sun on her front porch under that grandfatherly tree. My, how she hated that tree in the autumn.”

The difference between the two scenes is stark. One is distant, omniscient. The other draws the reader into the story.

Recently, I read about a contemporary author whose latest book has mixed POV, meaning a switch between first and third person. I’ve not read the book, but it’s not the norm. It’s also not something you want to try as an unpublished author, or you’ll likely stay unpublished. Select your voice and stick with it.

However, the beauty and freedom of third person is you can change whose POV the reader will see. This must be done with scene changes.

When an author changes POV within a scene, that’s referred to as head-hopping, which is a no-no in the literary field. In the past, legendary writers like Larry McMurtry, author of the Lonesome Dove series, have utilized head-hopping and have done so effectively. Believe me, you and I are not in his league—yet. You might as well put a banner on the cover of your manuscript that says “newbie,” if you intend to try it to find out.

I used this scene in a previous post about tag lines. It also serves well to show POV.

“Have some juice.” John extended the orange juice pitcher.

Brenda didn’t want juice. In fact, she didn’t want to be sharing a table with someone who had betrayed her. Besides, she hated orange juice. And he knew it. Probably the reason he offered it. “No, thank you.”

John thumped the pitcher on the table, sloshing the juice over the top.

“Now you’ve done it.” Brenda reached for a dishtowel. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times.”

“You’ve told me what?” John scowled over his forkful of eggs.

“Clumsy.” Brenda returned his scowl and picked up her fork. If she tried hard enough to ignore him, maybe he’d take the hint and disappear. For good.

The POV in this scene is obviously Brenda’s. As a writer, I can show John’s mood or nature without showing you his thoughts. I do this by his clumsiness, scowling, and apparent disregard for Brenda’s feelings. He doesn’t seem to have a clue as to what makes her tick. Yet, I’ve not revealed his thoughts. While we might assume John’s thoughts, he would be scene-stealing to interject them here. However, in another scene, I could switch POV, and we’d learn what he really thinks about Brenda.

A writer must guard against slipping into another character or omniscient POV. I mention the proofreading/revising stage of a manuscript almost weekly. This is another item to put on your checklist when proofreading.

If you have any questions or would like to comment about POV or another writing subject, please do so in the comment section below. I’d love to hear from you.