Deeper Point of View

“Good writing is like a windowpane.” George Orwell

In previous posts, we’ve discussed point of view as it relates to each character and scene. With deeper point of view, the reader is drawn further into a character’s actions and thoughts, essentially getting inside the character’s head as the scene unfolds.

One way to accomplish this is to eliminate tag lines. Instead of repeatedly interrupting the scene with he said/she said, the natural flow of characters’ dialogue, emotions, and action tell the story.  

Deeper POV also works in tandem with the concept “show, don’t tell.” Instead of telling the reader a character is wondering, seeing, hearing, or feeling, a good writer lets the characters act out the scene naturally as it would occur in real life.

Here are some examples. The second sentence/paragraph in each sequence is written in deeper POV.

She glanced at him and wondered where his patience came from.

She glanced at him. Where did his patience come from?

Jackie swirled the coffee in her cup and carefully considered her reply.

Jackie swirled the coffee in her cup. How should she reply?

She snuggled under the covers, wishing she’d planned the trip for another day.

She snuggled under the covers. If only she’d planned the trip for another day.

He thought about why she was always late for church.

Why was she always late for church?

Dave felt her eyes searching his face.

Her eyes searched his face. 

Kathy heard a rustling and then saw a snake slither out of the bushes. She hoped she could outrun the snake before it bit her. She noticed it was a harmless black snake and stopped to take a deep breath. Snakes gave her the creeps.

Kathy turned toward the rustling in the bushes. A harmless blacksnake slithered out. She jumped behind a tree as the snake slid down the trail ahead of her. A chill tingled through her. She shook it off and stepped back onto the trail. 

She was angry that he talked non-stop, never allowing her to voice an opinion during a discussion. He must think her opinion didn’t matter. She wondered what it would take to make him listen.

“Shut up!” She drew a deep breath and straightened to face his wide-eyed stare. Did that scream just come from her mouth? Maybe now he would listen. 

The first sentences/paragraphs in each sequence aren't necessarily incorrect, but they inhibit deeper character and scene development which leads to a less interesting story. 

Take another look at your WIP. Are there places you could rewrite to deepen character POV? If you’d like to share an example or make a suggestion for future topics for me to discuss, please leave a comment. I enjoy the encouraging and insightful thoughts shared each week. 

God bless,

Laura

Say What?

Welcome to Thursday’s Writers’ Corner. If you’re new to my blog, this is a weekly feature to encourage fellow writers. No matter where you are in your writing journey, encouragement is a good thing.

Tomorrow, I’m off to The Cove (Billy Graham training center) in Asheville, NC, for a weekend writers’ bootcamp. Should be interesting! As long as I don’t have to do pushups, I’ll be okay. J

Please pray for my traveling safety and that I’ll learn what God wants me to in order to further His kingdom through my writing.

Meanwhile, will you consider becoming a follower of my blog? I’ve also added a simple subscriber box, if you’d like an e-mail alert when I post something new.

Now, let’s discuss a skill many writers struggle with, especially in the beginning. I certainly did. Dialogue and character building.

Think of writing dialogue as the opposite of the polished prose surrounding it, at least to some degree. Your character’s speech should reflect his/her origin and dialect for that region of the country or the country itself, if your setting is a foreign land. This is where good research is a necessity.

If your characters are from Minnesota, they won’t say “yall” when referring to others. However, if your character is from the Southern US, they will. Pepper your character’s speech with the local vernacular.

For the purpose of this blog, we’ll stick with the South for examples, since that’s where I live J

In creating dialogue for Southerners, you might drop the ending of words that end in –ing or drop the beginning syllable. A common joke here in SC is that one syllable words are pronounced with two syllables and multi-syllable words are pronounced in a single syllable when possible. While some folks speak that way, trust me, it’s not the norm for everyone. Even within a setting, you’ll find different degrees of accent. Some are stronger than others, and this should reflect in your characters.

Examples:

“Are you goin’ to the store?”

“How ‘bout a cup of coffee?”

“Somethin’s eatin’ at him.”

Be careful not to overdo the accents or slang. A Southern character won’t say “yall” every time they speak. Make sure your characters sound real regardless of their setting and stay consistent within the character’s accent.

As a beginning writer, it’s easy to slip into your own dialect. Your slang or commonly used words become your characters’ speech pattern.

I can’t stress this enough, if you’re not sure what the dialect is for your character’s setting, research it!

When writing dialogue, the best way to determine if it sounds real is read aloud what you’ve written. Does it flow like someone speaking? There should be contractions and fragments in the dialogue, just like we talk.

Same reasoning applies to developing characters. Names are an excellent way to start character development and can represent the degree to which the person reflects their heritage. For example, the names Billy Bob Thornton or Billy Ray Cyrus conjure up a mental image of a good ol’ Southern boy.

But not all characters will be developed to an extreme. Readers will grow tired of characters who all mirror each other. Even if your book is set in the South, some characters will be refined and perhaps their speech won’t be distinguishable from any other part of the U.S. Overuse of stereotypical language because the writer hasn’t done their research will be apparent.

Spend a few minutes reading aloud your WIP and see if your characters seem real to you. Meanwhile, enjoy this humorous video, "Bill Cosby, Understanding Southern," from his old TV show, You Bet Your Life.