Today is the eleven-year anniversary of my sister Michelle's suicide. In some ways, it's hard to believe eleven years have passed. Other times, the painful memory is as fresh as if she died yesterday. I've written several times in the past about her battle with mental illness and my relationship with her. Today, I've asked my sister Teresa to share a few thoughts instead. This is her story.
The woman stood so close
to me, I felt her breath on my face. She spoke softly, making it necessary for
me to lean in closer and ask, "Pardon me?" She repeated in
a very low voice, "I hope you get everything you want for
Christmas." It was a hot July evening as I helped feed the homeless at
the Plaza in downtown Gainesville, Florida. I regained my composure and said,
"Thank you. God bless you." She smiled and walked
away with her plate of food. She was such a tiny little soul, not weighing more
than 100 pounds.
Woman in Red |
In 2005, six
months after I buried my husband, my sister Michelle ended her twenty-year battle
with mental illness. Too much for me to process at the time, I tucked
my feelings about her death away neatly in a corner of my mind and continued trying to rebuild my life. Ten months later, as I walked into Publix
supermarket after work, I began crying. Wiping my face, I left the store and
sat in my car, trying to understand what had happened. Then, I spotted a bell
ringer. It was Christmas time and he was happily ringing his bell and calling
out, "Merry Christmas!" Michelle had been a bell ringer outside
of that same Publix, before they offered her a job in the store. Memories
flooded over me as I sat there in the parking lot and wept. There were a lot
of tears that Christmas, as every store I walked in had a bell ringer.
Michelle |
Michelle
loved her children and her family. She loved the Lord and studied her Bible
daily. She had a heart for others and would help anyone, if she were able. Although
she didn't understand why she had to suffer with this disease, she had a strong
faith. She hoped one day her life would change. And, we all prayed that that
would indeed happen. Jesus was her Savior, and I have no doubts that she is now
with Him in Heaven.
Even with
expressing all of that, I realize through my work with the homeless that I have
unresolved issues with her death. The mentally ill are out there, some on
medication, some obviously not. It's sad to realize that these folks are
plagued with nightmarish thoughts and voices only they can hear. These same
people are shunned and sometimes even beaten and robbed by others who are
stronger.
Recently, when Pastor Lem began his brief message to the line of hungry faces at
the Plaza, a muttering began in the crowd. As he quoted John 3:16, a woman in
red began cursing and pacing. Suddenly, she spat at my feet as she rolled
off more obscenities. Uncertain of what to do, I stopped recording
and began moving toward the serving line to take my place. Pastor finished his
message and blessed the food, speaking louder to drown out the filth still being spewed in the air. The Woman in Red came through the line
muttering, grabbed her fork, and disappeared. About thirty minutes later, we
heard her shouting and screaming and knew she had returned. She continued her
tirade for quite some time.
I thought
then of my sister and the troubled life she had lived. During the periods of
time she thought she didn't need medication, it was a disconcerting time
for our family. Do not misunderstand. She did not run around shouting
obscenities at a pastor. But, she did have some disturbing behavior. When she
was on her medication, she functioned fairly well. This illness causes
immeasurable suffering to those who endure it and to those who can do nothing
but pray and watch their family member suffer.
I've asked
God what He wanted me to see with this parallel of women. He
encouraged me to question how strangers may have treated Michelle when she was
off her medication. Were they compassionate? Did they shun her? Were they
empathetic? Did they laugh at her? Did they take the time to listen to her?
Were they kind to her? Did they love her as God instructed us to do in 1 John 4:7-8? "Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone
who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not
know God, because God is love." Verse 12 continues with, "if we
love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in
us."
Those are
powerful words! "His love is made complete in us." It was
never intended to be an emotional love, but something much greater. The love
God has for us is undeserved love; we did nothing to earn it! The same
love God expects us to show His people: the widows, the orphans, the
elderly, the incarcerated, the veterans, the alcoholics, the addicts, the
runaways, the prostitutes, and the mentally ill. They are all out there, in
need of His complete love.
God also
reminded me to be aware of what we all do in His name. Are we going through the
motions of our “Christian obligation?” Or, are we sharing His complete
love with these people?
"If I
give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may
boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:3
Who was
the Woman in Red? She was that tiny soul in July who had quietly wished
me Christmas blessings.
Have you
ever encountered someone that society considers “less than?” If so, what was
your reaction? How did God speak to you through the encounter?
© Photo of "Woman in Red" and post by Teresa
Alfieri (originally shared as a Facebook note)
Very touching and thought-provoking. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome. I'm glad Teresa's story inspired you. God bless.
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