I’ve
written many times about mental illness based on my family experiences, which
have mirrored others I’ve met in numerous state and local NAMI functions and
even strangers who’ve shared with me. I’ve read numerous medical journals,
scientific studies, and first-person accounts. One of the things that alarms me
after a suicide are folks who speak with great authority on the subject, yet
their opinions prove they have little actual experience with the disease.
My sister suffered with major depressive disorder and
schizophrenia, the former being the most intractable to treatment. At times, she shared my
excitement for the latest news and scientific studies in medical journals. She’d
say, “Laura, don’t ever quit looking for an answer. I wouldn’t wish depression
on my worst enemy.”
But then,
once, in a dark moment, she wrote: "There are so many people who love me
and they just do not know what to do. Nothing is the answer. I have to do this
on my own."
It’s in
those dark, impenetrable moments that one takes their life. For those of us on
the outside, we cope in two ways. Some of us have the answers: the person was
selfish, only thinking of themselves; if only they’d gotten right with God, he
would’ve fixed it. Then there are others who honestly seek the truth of the
matter. I wrote about the selfish angle on my blog last February after country
singer Mindy McCready’s suicide. (Click here to read.) I certainly know the validity of spiritual
wholeness with God in order to maintain one’s sanity because I’ve experienced
that myself.
But major
depression goes deeper, much deeper
than either of these. It’s a riddle those of us who find ourselves in suicide’s
aftermath struggle to unlock. After Robin Williams’ death two weeks ago, I asked
two friends, Katy and Tammy, if they’d share their personal journeys with
mental illness with my blog readers. Join me tomorrow and Thursday for a
two-part series where these two ladies give a transparent and honest look into
the heart of depression and bipolar. Even if you think you know about this
disease, their stories will give you a fresh perspective.
© Laura Hodges Poole
"Why?" photo courtesy of Stuart Miles/Freedigitalphotos.net
Thank you! I'm looking forward to reading and learning more.
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