Show, Don't Tell

Writing and Revising

When I first started writing, I made many mistakes other novice writers do, one of which was telling my readers what my characters did, felt, and thought instead of allowing the characters to show this through their actions and dialogue.

You might ask—isn’t all writing telling? Not exactly.

Mastering this concept can be a challenge. “Telling” can creep into even the most experienced writer’s work. After all, the writer sees the scene clearly in their mind. It’s easy to forget the reader doesn’t have the same vantage point. Sometimes writers are engrossed in the story and, in the rush to get their thoughts on paper, they often skim over details resulting in telling instead of showing.

So, the editing phase is the perfect time to uncover telling scenes. Yes, we all dislike the editing process, but we owe it to our readers to dig a little deeper and put them on the stage with our characters.

So what exactly does “show, don’t tell” mean?

As Mark Twain put it, “Don’t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.”

Let’s take a look at some examples to better illustrate the difference between show and tell.

Telling:

 

Brenda was sad her mother died. She cried as she recalled her negligence in caring for her mother.

 

Showing:

 

Brenda swallowed hard against the ache in her throat. She traced a finger over her mother’s name engraved on her headstone. Hot tears pressed at the corners of Brenda’s eyes in the chilly wind. She pulled her coat closer and drew a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of you when I had the chance.”

 

A longer example:

Telling:

Dawn was distraught that her terrier Fluffy lay on the side of the road dead. She felt guilty because it was her fault for letting him run free instead of putting him on a leash.

Showing:

Dawn stumbled down the sidewalk. Her mind refused to believe what her eyes told her. Fluffy, her little brown terrier, lay in a crumpled heap on the roadside where a speeding car had tossed him like yesterday’s garbage.

Dawn dropped to her knees in front of Fluffy. She ran a trembling hand across his soft fur. He shivered one final breath before his body grew still.

“Fluffy!” Dawn scooped the dog into her arms and clutched him to her chest.

“Why?” She wailed. “Why did I let you out of the house without your leash?”

She rocked back and forth, sobbing, with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her neighbors stepped onto their porch and craned their necks to see what had happened.

****

The differences between the examples are obvious. In the second example, the reader sees Dawn is distraught and guilt-ridden without either word appearing in the text. Not only that, I’ve engaged the reader’s senses to the point where they may wonder how the rest of the scene will unfold. This keeps the reader from putting down the book.

This concept applies to both fiction and non-fiction. Whether you’re writing an article or a book, the best way to share your story is with anecdotes or scenes filled with action and dialogue.

Now, take a look at your work in progress (WIP), and see if there are scenes you can rewrite to show your story better.

What ways can you think of to show one or more of these emotions in your characters without actually using these words: joy, sadness, fear, excitement, rage, frustration, boredom, or anxiety?
 

If you’d like additional help, a great writing resource on this topic is The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi. This can be purchased at Amazon.com.

This post is available as a free PDF download by clicking on the icon in the left column.

©Laura Hodges Poole

Top 10 Fantastic Writer Resources

Writing Resources

Welcome to Writers’ Corner. If you’re new to this weekly feature, please feel free to browse the archives for writing topics I’ve already covered. 

Regular followers know I promote research and education to be an effective writer. I’m not referring to college degrees. As a contemporary writer trying to break into Christian publishing, it’s imperative to be educated in the current market. This includes knowing current acceptable grammar usage, how to write queries, and subject trends. Over the past several months, I’ve shared various books and websites useful in developing writing skills, network, and platform. So you will recognize some of my Top 10 from other posts. I thought it might be helpful to have them all in one place. 

Disclaimer: I’m not guaranteeing your success if you purchase any products listed below. Only you can decide what’s best for your career, including expending financial resources for services offered on any website. 

Top 10

The Write Conversation Are query letters confusing? Difficult? Make you want to pull your hair out or throw something against a wall? You’re not alone. Most published writers have been in your shoes. Here’s a great article (and writer’s website) written by Edie Melson, editor and writer with hundreds of articles and books to her credit.  

Characteristics Of A Hero Most fiction storylines involve a hero and/or heroine. They should possess characteristics like bravery and courage but also quiet characteristics like humility and selflessness.

Open Submissions List of 200+ Christian magazines and book publishers with open submissions. 

Editorial Freelancers Association Are you considering hiring an editor or ghostwriter to assist you in a project? This is a great website to aid your research.

American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) I can't begin to list all the resources available by signing up for a membership. First year is $65, and it drops to $45 for subsequent years. Members have access to critique groups, networking, contests, conferences, a bi-monthly magazine, and more. This is one resource I’ve utilized that has paid huge dividends in my writing career. 

Story Sensei Acclaimed Christian writer Camy Tang’s website offers an extensive list of articles on every writing subject imaginable. She also offers an array of paid services including worksheets and coaching.

Self-Editing For Fiction Writers: How To Edit Yourself Into Print If you can only afford a couple of writing books, this should be at the top of your list. Many fundamental writing errors can be eliminated by utilizing the concepts outlined in this book.  

Writer's Digest This is the first writing resource I used, even before I had Internet! It is chocked-full of writing market information, current trends, and writing lessons for all genres. In addition, if you can’t afford $20 for a yearly magazine subscription, the website archives is filled with educational articles.

2013 Writer's Market Hot off the presses with the latest writing market information available! It’s worth the investment because you can utilize it several years by going to the website for each listing and checking their updated writer’s guidelines. In addition to current writing markets are contest listings. Contests are a great way to get feedback and get your work noticed.

The Christian Writer's Market Guide 2012 Like the regular Writer’s Market above, you can utilize this information for a few years by going to the websites for the individual listings to find current submission guidelines.

Do you have a favorite writing resource that’s not on this list? I’d love to hear about it.

God bless,

Laura

 © Laura Hodges Poole